Professional counselling services in the North East, including abuse, bereavement and relationship counselling, as well as psychosexual therapy.

 

Abuse Counselling

 

Childhood Sexual Abuse Counselling

Sexual abuse is the predominant reason most clients seek counselling but there are other forms of abuse, including; emotional/psychological, physical which can range from a smack to a severe beating and also parental neglect. It's understandable that people often approach these issues with fear and trepidation but our abuse counselling services are here to listen to you and help you learn to cope with everything you're carrying - not to reprimand or correct you.



Aftereffects Checklist for Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse (CSA)
1. Alienation from the body - not at home in own body, failure to heed body signals or take care of one's body. Poor body image. Manipulating body size to avoid sexual attention
2. Anorexia; Bulimia; Overeating
3. Drug and/or alcohol abuse or total abstinence; Other forms of addiction or compulsive behaviour
4. Self-destructiveness - cutting self, skin carving, self-abuse
5. Suicidal thoughts, ideas, attempts, obsession (including passive suicide)
6. Varying degrees of depression, seemingly baseless crying
7. Anger issues: inability to recognise, own, or express anger; fear of actual or imagined rage; constant anger; intense hostility towards entire gender or ethnic group of the perpetrator
8. Splitting/depersonalisation; going into shock; emotional shutdown in a crisis; stressful situations are always crises; psychic numbing; physical pain or numbness associated with a particular memory, emotion i.e. anger, or situation i.e. sex
9. Boundary issues: control, power, territorial issues; fear of losing control; obsessive compulsive behaviour - attempts to control things that do not matter, just to control something
10. Blocking out some period of early years, especially 1 - 12, or a specific person or place
11. Pattern of ambivalent or intensely conflictive relationships (intimacy is a problem)
12. Limited tolerance for happiness, active withdrawal from happiness, reluctance to trust happiness


Commonly reported attitudes & beliefs about sex

Examples of more healthy attitudes towards sex & sexuality
Sex generates only negative feelings Sex is an important part of an individual's identity
Sex is dirty Sex is a mutual sharing with someone else
Sex is frightening Sex is a natural drive
Sex is uncontrollable, or in the control of another person Sex is only one of many expressions of love
Sex is secretive and shameful Sex is intimate and private
Sex is a way to reward or punish Sex has boundaries and limits
Sex is a way of humiliating the self and others Sex requires open communication
Sex is a way of protecting oneself from worse harm in an abusive relationship  
Sex is no more than an obligation or duty  
Normal sex has no boundaries, and all sexual acts are acceptable  

 

To separate fact from fiction, our abuse counselling services are able to challenge the myths surrounding CSA and replace them with more accurate information. Below are some common misconceptions contrasted with current facts and beliefs.



Statement:
  • Strangers sexually abuse children.
Reality:
  • In 80-85% of cases the abuser is known to and trusted by the child.
  • The reality is that children are more at risk of being sexually abused by someone known to them in their own family, neighbourhood or community than by a stranger.
Statement:
  • Women do not sexually abuse children.
Reality:
  • Research suggests that approximately 20-25% of CSA is perpetrated by women.
  • Cultural beliefs about women being carers & nurturers make it difficult for people to accept that women can be violent or aggressive towards children.
  • This CSA goes largely undetected due to the age of the child and because some of the CSA is conducted around normal hygiene practices.
Statement:
  • Child Sexual Abuse always involves penetration.
Reality:
  • CSA includes:
  • Being fondled or kissed in a way that feels wrong to the child.
  • Being touched unnecessarily on their private parts.
  • Being forced to touch someone else's private parts.
  • Being forced to have oral sex.
  • Being forced to watch people having sex.
  • Being shown pornographic pictures.
  • Being made to pose for sexual pictures.
  • Made to sell their body for sex.
  • Being forced to abuse or hurt someone else.
  • Having objects forced into the child's vagina or anus.


***THE BLAME FOR ABUSE LIES SOLELY WITH THE ABUSER***



Flashbacks

The process of remembering is like putting together a jigsaw puzzle; memories often come back in bits & pieces. They can seem distant, like something you're observing from far away, or as clear as a Snapshot.

A common impact of trauma and CSA is in the formation, consolidation, storage & retrieval of memories, especially autobiographical memories, which can lead to amnesia. This amnesia can be total or partial, in which certain experiences cannot be recalled. Often, such memories are experienced as physical sensations or reactions or flashbacks.

It's common to KNOW something happened but not remember details - you may not remember your age or the time of year, never mind graphic details of the abuse or abuser but don't worry as this doesn't mean it didn't happen or that you're going mad - it's your brain's way of coping by blocking certain aspects of the abuse out as the trauma of remembering can be too great without the help a supportive Counsellor with experience of abuse work to accompany you on the journey of discovering the truth and being able to deal with it

The adult survivor may believe that he is mentally ill, as flashbacks occur spontaneously, sometimes accompanied by auditory, visual or olfactory hallucinations.

The adult survivor may be reluctant to discuss such symptoms for fear of being sectioned or subjected to psychiatric intervention. This is particularly so if the survivor has already had negative experiences of psychiatric services. Such adult survivors of CSA may be deeply suspicious when seeking counselling, for fear of being labelled or judged, and they may be reluctant to talk about their experiences.

ASCA Counsellors are here to listen to you and help you understand the reasons and fear as well as help you work through what YOU want to work through - we won't judge you or attempt to minimise your feelings as we know each client is individual and has their own ways of coping and reasoning.

The adult survivor may experience a variety of other perceptual difficulties and distortions, including delusions and hallucinations. Seemingly neutral or innocent noises can become disturbing to the survivor if he links them to his CSA experience.

ASCA's abuse counselling services are designed to help you deal with any flashbacks and cope with any previous experiences you may have had - all you need to do is make the first step by phoning us or sending an e-mail